Family Brew
by Pricat
Summary: It's a story to do with Shrek and his family and the upbringing of his and Donkey's kids with lots of chaos
1. Chapter 1

Family Brew 

Ch 1

Out of Control.

Shrek and Fiona were at the mall. They were getting supplies for a BBQ. Puss was looking after the kids for them and Donkey. He was in a bad mood because Donkey got rid of his catnip and wanted to stir up some chaos. He then got an idea as he watched the kids play in the living room and smiled evilly.

He then ran into the kitchen and grabbed everything with sugar and caffeine in it and candy. He laughed evilly as he laid the stuff out in the living room while they were having naps. They weren't allowed sugar because it made them wild and out of control. He watched as Shrek's three ogre triplets woke up and gasped in delight. "Everybody wake up! You're not going to believe this!" Sulgax and Stench weed the two boys said hyped up. "Woah! This is nuts!" their sister Starbucks told them. She watched as they ate some chocolate. "Wake up! There's lots of candy out here!" they yelled. Donkey's kids Sonny, Maya, Nike, Eddie, Pubert and Brydon woke up at that. "How did it get here?" Nike asked them. "I don't know but hurry before the grown ups get here and take it away!" Brydon said as he stuffed marshmallows into himself and Nike was roasting one on Sonny's head. "Hey quit it!" he yelled. Starbucks laughed at that. Puss watched as they destroyed the house.

The kids were climbing up curtains, breaking things, throwing balls and generally being nuts. Puss saw the onion carriage pull up and was nervous. "Oh great! They're back. I'm out of here." He said. Shrek then dropped the grocery bag in his hand when he saw the mess. "Need… more… candy!" Sonny said shivering. "PUSS!" he yelled. "What's going on? You know the kids hate it when you yell." Fiona said as she came in through the door. She saw the mess as well as Donkey. "Who gave them sugar?" Donkey asked her.

"It had to be Puss. He had to go and get the kids sugar and let them destroy the house! I'm just disappointed in him… From now on we hide the candy and junk food where the assassin can't find them and give them to the kids. Right now we need to calm them down." Shrek said to him. He hated it when the kids were hyper. Donkey went with him. He then saw his kids eating the curtains and stopped them. "That's not right guys! I know you shouldn't be left alone with Puss." He told them firmly.

Shrek hoped that when they were older, they wouldn't be like that, all wild and crazy or there would be trouble… Suddenly they heard a noise. It was the onion carriage starting up. "Oh no!" Fiona said as she ran out. Starbucks her daughter was in the driver's seat about to drive off when Shrek grabbed her... "What was that about? You know you're not allowed to drive the car. Mommy and I would be upset if something happened to you or your brothers." he said to her as he held her in his arms. Suddenly she made an odd face. "What's that for?" he thought. But then she threw up over him. "Aw honey. That wasn't great! You're only eating organic stuff from now on as well as your brothers." he said as he went to get changed. "Sorry Mommy." Starbucks told her. "It's okay honey. You ate too much candy and made yourself sick." she told her.


	2. Chapter 2

Family Brew 

Ch 2

Stress

Fiona watched worriedly as her husband climbed into bed that night. He looked skinny and tired. He hadn't been himself but there was a reason. He'd been feeling pressured by her cousin Artie. He'd been bugging him to skip meals and other stuff but he'd been doing it by eating and then throwing up down the toilet. He knew it wasn't right but he was pressured to do it. He hadn't told her because he knew she'd freak. He then fell asleep…

Fiona then woke up in the middle of the night to find him not by her side. She was worried. She went looking for him. He was walking through the forest unaware he was asleep. "Hey honey!" she said to him but he didn't respond. He looked awake but he wasn't. She then waved a hand in front of his face. "I never knew he sleep walked. Maybe there's a reason why but he hasn't told me." She thought as she grabbed his arm and led him back to the swamp and into the bedroom. She wondered if something was bothering him that he did that. She thought about that because the last time he'd sleep walked, they'd had an argument. "Honey is something bugging you? Please tell me if there is!" she said to him when he came into the kitchen for breakfast. "What do you mean?" he asked her. "Last night you went sleep walking and I know you only do that when you're worried about it or stressed." She explained. "No. Everything's fine!" he told her as he went outside. He then went into the bathroom. Suddenly Fiona heard sounds of throwing up and ran to there at once…

It shocked her to find her husband throwing up down the toilet. "Why is he doing this? This must've been why he was sleep walking last night! But who put this idea into his head that he needed to lose weight?" she thought as she went back inside. She watched as the kids were playing in mud and having fun. She then saw Artie arrive. "Hey Fi! What's up?" he said to her. She then darkened at him. "Have you noticed anthing different about Shrek lately? Like eating a lot of food and then hearing throwing up noises come from the bathroom?" she asked him. He then got very nervous. "Umm... I might've told him it was okay to skip a meal or three or that throwing up thing makes you lose weight." he said nervously. Fiona then felt anger flow through her. "Artie! You idiot! You told him this!" she yelled angrily. "Don't hurt me!" he said trying to shield himself and ran out.

She then went to find her husband but he... was lying on the floor out cold. This worried her immensely. It was a side effect of this. "I've got to get him to hospital!" she said as she slung him over her shoulder. Donkey wondered what was going on. "Stay here and look after the kids. Whatever you do, don't give them candy." she told him as she walked out the door and got in the onion carriage.

Later in a hospital bed, he came around. He was very dazed because of the pain killers they gave him before surgery. "W-What happened? Everything went black. All I remember is going out of the bath room and feeling really tired and landing on the floor." he said weakly. "I know honey about your going to the bath room thing. You don't have to do that anymore. I knew Artie told you it was a good idea but it wasn't." Fiona said softly. There was a pen on the table but it wasn't for writing. "It's to... pump insulin into your body because you've got Diabetes but you also went into surgery because you had a heart attack but they saved you." she told him after he looked at it.

Fear was in his eyes and worry was runnig through his mind too. "It was also because people were being haters because I was trying to help and they couldn't see that. I... thought if I lost weight, it would help but apparently it didn't. I'm sorry." he told her as his eyes closed and he drifted into sleep...

A/N- This chapter was inspired by news articles about his campaign being backlashed by health groups hence the thing about him saying people being haters because he was trying to help which he actually is. Also the Diabetes thing is relevant to me because I'm a Type 2 but I want to see how'll he cope. Fiona getting mad at Artie was my way of being angry against those who are xize zero but in a funny way. Reviews are greatly welcome!


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